i said why cannot i see things clear in the future and past even when i am awake. its because in stuck in a present chemical haze that wont dissipate. it hasnt for a long, long time. i wondered if it was something you have to learn to do; to see clearly that is. i have been to the gates of ends. i have swallowed whole the poison dropped on my tongue. i have been where the ghosts go. i suppose its because i dont keep close anything but myself and all the sad sorry things that are burried inside me too. when i try to know other people, they dont want anymore sadness so they dont like to keep me close too. no one wants what they dont want to be. there's no happiness found in falling down, except for me i guess. when you are down there you only hear what you want to hear, and you do what you think you dont want because that must be God's will. and you never find happiness. you realize you are all so disconnected from the cure, its all the reflection you chose to ignore that comes back and wracks you with guilt for some far off feeling some up close kind of faith i dont want that anyway. i realized it was becuase i cared too much for anything. so i stopped. now i dont care at all. it is quite difficult to become human again. looking back i have never had anyone close. thats why i became imbittered with how cheap humanity is. there are african kids who die every day, young women who are sold into sex slavery, children killing other children, adults practicing narcisism that fucks up the world. all of it. whats the root cause, its easy to point at. everyone knows it. its selfishness. because you or anyone else likes themselves more than other people. but we as humans must like ourselves. but how can we like ourselves in a moderate way that makes the world go around in a good manner. you must base whether you like yourself on whether other people like you. that is my problem. i cannot like myself simply because i am me. i am a plain clothes man to a large extent. i want to see everything so i can see nothing. and I'm so unsurprised
I remember, I remember why I dream in black & white