i promise i wont go there tonight, today not back down mainstreet in the rain. im not going to let you see me waterlogged, floating in empty space. even thought i know im just alone, and i cant help myself to anything good. i tell myself i am falling down, i kick and cuss at the mirror that talks back wishing me worse, its christmas time in a black sheet havoc, blowing cinnamon slate storm clouds out at the ailing october air, im suffocating myself to feel ok, sometimes thats what you got to do, my lungs are screaming more when i swallowed a setting sun over a marble grave. i watch and wish for faith, wanting to forget i live in a bubble carton cell. it only one week until i can forget who i am and see the only thing that reminded me that its here and now, golden bronze singing a somber melody, i know you miss me. swear to me you wont get that way when you curse the heave droning beat and shallow valley breaths, ball your bourgeois hands in to an angered fist, i just turn up the music and forget everything. they love you only if you are shining with lime light pixie dust then forget you when youre walking home, its ok, i tell myself it is anyway. its no way to live. so why think about anything at all. to save someone else.