Eli, let me read you a reading from the book of Jonas, my first novel:


"they say divorcing the soul from its home makes us fully something else

i say damn you. masochism is the cornerstone of peace.

so trickle across, over, and all the listless prepositions from A life to B.

or consecrate.


they say that very vile thing is, as if yellow, brushes upon your window, the corner of fine clay and hardened concrete, such a selfish thing.

oh,
the great virtue it is not. Ayn could, for all its fondness, only realize the irenic bounty that presents itself through spite

laughter. that is quite laudable at such a sly, machinating creature. spread your yellow hither and tither in the breeze.

so it carries the sound too.

and so the last belongs to me.
"victory! victory!" they'll scream, albeit vicariously, i am Caesar. indeed."

"now, eli what say you? is it not well crafted prose?" i said

"No, it is not. i am terribly sorry. who in their right mind would follow this?" replied eli.

then i said," eli it is because you can think. let me tell you how i got the idea,
it was once because of C10H12N2O that the dreams were nearly always lucid. some cocktail of a most undesirable combination of nonplus consonants and primes, and the cursed vowel that brings me constant affliction. then i thought, why not make use of this. and i did, i decided i shall rule the world. after i gain immense popularity by way of mediocrity ill supplant the ruler from power but be very humble and very amiable. yes, as i think of it now they'll say "granted, but you are Caesar! Now you are death destroyer of worlds!"

ill say,
"lowly imbeciles, lowly, inane, servile, amenable, insufferable subjects, do me not the pleasure of self-aggrandizement, for i will always be the great, but do indulge me, call me jonas"

they will say
"oh, the illumined one speaks! we must now do away with our foolish routines of idiocy and submit to the all knowing guidance!"

i will then, lean back in a sinister pose, smug in my newly endowed power, and display a sheepish, coy, smile. one that masks the villainy beneath.

i shall say,

"morons of misfortune! hear me, i implore you, give me not your riches but your animals, for i wish to A. create a zoo so that we may observe and mock them and B. have a feast!"

the polity will of course submit to my wishes for they are far to incompetent to realize the implications of these to very appealing actions. who does not like to mock animals both human and not. let them lay hands on the miscreants of society and observe them in cages, let them observe the animals too. really, there are never any humans at a real zoo. under my rule there will be.

but then my cabinet, my court of hand-picked jesters will come to me and say.

"hail sir caesar jonas the first, ruler of all that is know to us men of the fourth kingdom in the new new middle age, year 2220 of the common time, esquire, what say you about the economy! we simply cannot allow these boobs to up and leave the fields, what will sustain us?!"

to which i will most artfully respond
"well my little child, what did you think the zoo was for? just looking at animals? it creates employment! we must deliver ourselves from this economic recession!! we must! this, my little foolish waterlily is the way, the divine, the enlightened way to do it! entrust your worry little head to me, think no more--for i know you are barely capable at your finest."

they will talk amongst themselves in awe muttering things such as
"this is no man! he is from the heavens!" and "how can one man fit such an enlightened brain in one human head! oh, thank the gods!! a multitude of thanks!"

then they will say,
"you are most wise! we should perform a sacrifice!"

for those lacking mental faculties it is a common trend in history that they slaughter an innocent for the purpose of jubilation. euphoria triggers a primordial impulse to kill in their felicitous frenzy. but i have yet to disclose my true intentions.

you see, i figured the fools who are quite infatuated with the whore that is immediate gratification, would most undoubtedly pick me their king for i give them what they want, i permit and provide debauchery, i win their undisciplined, weak, terribly childish and foolish little hearts so easily.

then they will say, "oh hail sir caesar jonas the first , ruler of all that is know to us men of the fourth kingdom in the new new middle age, year 2220 of the common time, esquire, my liege!!! we have no more flesh to feast upon, no more animals in the zoo! the women are tired of fornication, as are the men. we are wallowing in our own misery for our appetites are overly satiated. look what you have done!"

i will say,
"No you bumbling fools! look not what i have done, look what you have done!!! look what these bastardy court members, the yellows, have done, look what the yellows have done! they have infiltrated our security, our sanctity, violated our solidarity as a people, raped you of your dignity, literally and figuratively, we must wage war!yes! war! to make them admit their criminal villainy, make the pay for their wretched, vile, ways! they have imprisoned me making me do what not is best as one man sees it but what the collective of this hierarchically loftier class wills. give them liberty my friends, GIVE THEM DEATH!"

cheering will ensure. i assure you. massive demonstrations, riotous in nature will take place. oh how i will be content, bubbling with enthusiasm and joy! do you feel it too? the roar of millions invigorating your blood! each voice a contract of consent, willing do to anything for you. that is glory.

which brings me to my next point: people also in grave disparity want to sacrifice things. it is the way of history. so the primordial trigger is loosed once again, and blood is let. you say to me, "this is madness, you have a uncontrollable mass on your hands!" but i do not. they love me. ill tell you what happens next.

the court will say,
"but oh hail sir caesar jonas the first , ruler of all that is know to us men of the fourth kingdom in the new new middle age, year 2220 of the common time, esquire, my liege!!! why have you told the people it is us, your very most loyal servants, slaves to your glory, why have you blamed this misfortune on us!! it was you who told us all to do it!"

i will look at them and smile fondly.
"my children, for all your desirable characteristics as stooges, you lack any semblance of intelligence. for this i am grateful, most grateful in fact. but some sacrifices must be made for the greater good and the greatest good, that being my agenda. so i am sorry to see you off this way. it must be done, really. so off you go". and i will push them out the great gates to the threshold of my fortress. which i think shall look like a elegant chateau--barricaded with all the medieval and modern amenities of course.

they will look at each other and hold close, embracing the last moments together. they will not resist. i fear they are so damned stupid that they will go willingly.

the populous will dismember them. we will all laugh and make merriment. it shall be a festival! more of what they so love. and then they will look to me and say:
"oh hail sir caesar jonas the first , ruler of all that is know to us men of the fourth kingdom in the new new middle age, year 2220 of the common time, esquire, my liege! what now?" with the blood still moist dripping from their chops and staining their clothes, still blood thirsty, servile, and stupid as can be. i will dress in ragged attire and smear pigs blood on me, then i will walk out to the balcony from my strong hold and i will say

"people, people! my little infantile mass of daffodils. you pretty little cretins! we have killed the enemy within, but what of the enemies outside our quaint country?! the yellows are growing very, very fast in number, wanting to take more from you! we must push on! we must be warriors strong and true!"

they will all cheer once again. oh glory is so fine.

then we will wage war on the unsuspecting virgins of the world, those clam peaceful fools who suspect we are tacitly holding hands. oh i will be, just that it shall be dislocated from its limb!

after attaining all the spoils of war and conquering all the world i will gather them at my feet and say to them from my balcony,
"you dimwitted simpletons, i your ruler have led you to glory, no?"
they shout a collective "yea!"

ill say "i have had my scientists work on an elixir of happiness!"
they will should a collective, "hoorah!!"

ill continue on saying, "in one weeks time ill designate a number of toadstools, the best, and brightest, most loyal, most acceptable specimens of what it is to be a dolt to take it! that is all" ill dismiss them.

they will cheer at first then start to fight amongst themselves for who is most worthy.