when the rules are broken

i become translucent

and

drunk
so
fucking drunk


though i am recovering from subconsciousness



there sits like a faithful dog who bites his master


the mahogany, autumn, and soil and soil.

the backwash dirty water

blackwater

from middle america

ferment. for me.

the sour mash.


it tastes like sadness to me.
sit in my throat.
be caught in my teeth today.


today. i awoke and wished to remain absent from everyone.

beset in fest. i am a

wild

voracious
beast.
unkind.
vicious of my kin. of my kind.


no teeth to my bite
no fist to my fight
no will to my might

crippled amputee.

cry for me.
says the ocean, bleeding salt, bleed me salt.

they would come to taste.

i asked the eternal question of the burlesque viz.

would i hit myself with my own life?

i would with a brick.



the world today is suspended like a liminal tv screen.

please decide whether you will be white or dark.
for her. for me.



i am 10 stories away from a fall.
we climb slower and more steady every day.


but the woman who sleeps two stories above me fucks all the time.
she finds the dregs, the hearts with holes, the empties, the sunken eyes, the ugly of uglies, judas and says
im easy.

i get sick when i hear it.


the woman i love does not find happiness when she thinks of me. i am skinny, love.

the father i love does not find happiness in life

the mother i love wishes to take her own

the sister i loved has given hers away

the brother i love has forgotten he is living

the friend i love wishes to remain fucked up on:

passing women
whiskey
cigarettes
angel feathers
sad songs
bad poetry
greenery

the self i once was is becoming stronger through the crushed veneer

that was indiana, that was yesterday

do i have anything that i can keep?

everywhere i travel i carry them with me.
so i travel light.

keep me together for the rules.