there's gonna come a time when the scene'll seem less sunny
it'll probably get druggy and the kids'll seem to skinny
there's gonna come a time when shes gonna have to go
with whoevers gonna get her the highest

-the hold steady

im selling out though ive never picked up the pen, i still feel cheap but i still like it when i pretend, oh damn the drinks seem weaker im shakier too, i guess im your old crutch a charlatan. yeah i just wanna stay high one way or another i can deal with whatever seems normal. when i was little i used to listen to music and think that would be me someday under that gilded sun id be filling their veins with another kind of medicine, yeah i cut off my hands because theyre making me sin, yeah i gauged my eyes too because i kept seeing it too that lucid vision call it a joke call it a dream i guess, im coming to grips with how time makes things move you had better too or youll get pretty sick pretty sick of thinking about it and youll pacify with even more poison truth, yeah ive got a lot of learning. well the streets seem younger and the nights seem shorter i feel sick and im pretty scared. i havent found any girl that id hold close and whisper in her ear, "hey i think youre pretty fine, i think were pretty fine i guess, i was wondering if youd want to keep living together at least until we die, cause i could be a little more than a charlatan" i think ive said that before. then she'd say "were so beautiful, were doomed. i love you too". yeah i guess were all called to be holy. i saw her walk across a concrete walkway eying me quite coy, i was eying her too, yeah i saw her walk from the communion line on sunday, i was eying her, quite coy, she was eying me too. and when fate seems to damn heavy to be sharing hints and allegations i think im pretty sad, pretty sad until i get to meet her and ask for her name. then things would work out like wed want them to but im still waiting for that day.