well welcome fellow ferried soul, i cannot describe to you the small subtle happenings of 3 months gone to rot. they are all a blur anyway, but it was then i stood atop some small pinnacle of self-invented conceit and spoke the ever indelible words "i will". for the ambivalent delight in saying such things is, whatever promise and concrete connotations the phrase holds audibly, it somehow looses its brazen prowess when it echoes inside ones head. and the more and more it pummels inside, between the clockwork--making and breaking allegiances with consequence and the inner compulsion to do anything you find your self backtracking through the confusion and logically postponing everything or discounting it all together. so is the way of man. or at least this one (though i will always think of my self still in my formidable years, we always are learning i believe, but perhaps knowing everything that is another classification that of A. God or B. an old man, neither of which i am, so rather i am then a younger man.)so i heard someone say "maybe we're made to be hollow, to get up and grow" that doesn't side step convincing oneself otherwise. yet, i believe an cold shower shock, rash method works best--just do it, the world wasnt and isnt ever changed by thinkers, rather those who think then do. this is not to be mistaken with those who hold the philosophy of do then think, i think the entire world knows who i mean, especially the congregation of souls in a sandbox.